This evening I was looking at the meaning under “escapism”. Google says “the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy”.

My every day reality now is so difficult, so unpleasant and burdensome, that I am even unable to actively try to escape from the reality. After coming back home from London my creative well was overflowing. Now my passion, imagination and desire to create are buried deep down. And the headache is my best friend.

Thinking about escapism methods, this can no longer help me. My friend called “Depression” is knocking on my door with flowers, asking if I missed her. She knew she is going to visit me soon and I will have no choice but let her in.

What is escapism though? Are we supposed to escape for real? Is this something we can do? I don’t know how to respond to these questions. If I can’t escape from the reality this way, should I just end everything at once? Wouldn’t this be easier?

It’s so dark and can’t see the light yet again. I’m drowning in my daily reality and I’m afraid I won’t be able to survive. And I’m tired to be a survivor.

They made me believe I always have to be strong, and I don’t even know how to ask for help. And I’m so so tired, I don’t want to live this way.

We should find our own exodus… with change!

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