Day by day

The half of this year is already gone and I have no idea how this happened. Oh, well, what can I say.

The last 2 weeks I was alone and this time really helped me to realize that my life is a bit lonely. People have their own life and I can’t blend in anywhere. I’m here and there, and there’s no one that really needs me. And this will not change, I think.

I caught myself missing writing. Like, a lot. There was a time when I was free to share my every day life in a blog, without thinking what can I write and what I can’t write. It’s been almost 9 years ago and sometimes I think again of going back and start using Ameblo again, no matter if in English or Japanese.

Today I started reading a new book and the story reminded me of who I was before. And brought me back here, writing yet again, without thinking what should I write or should I write what I think and I want to write. It’s such a relief that I can still sit and just begin typing, my thoughts flowing like a fast river going to meet the ocean. I missed that feeling.

It’s strange to realize that even though I thought I don’t care what people will say, somehow something was preventing me from writing, like now, for fun and for the sake of my own sanity. But a single sentence from the book that I’m reading made me think, made me realize that I’m doing this for myself and for no one else. I don’t strive to be popular, I just want to sit down and write.

And I think of finally beginning to write about the stuff I wanted to, but decided not to. That adventures, thoughts, ideas… I want to just be able to be me again. The old me, but mixed with today’s me, who knows that cannot be alone, because God will always be with me and love me endlessly.

Such a great thought, isn’t it? I am not alone, because He is with me all the time. And this is the only thing that I actually need.